The Pink Heist Read online

"Amusing." Zenbot laughed. It was an inorganic's laugh, monotonous and rhythmic.

  "Yeah, well, my parents seemed to think so." Mr. Qruise scratched the back of his head. "So you're a tactical and strategic genius, ay? A master in all the martial arts, ever?"

  "Mancy just said that, I was here, and so, I think, were you. This is not new information."

  Mancy, convinced that the two were going to be the best of friends fiddled with the replicator on the long table. "What are you two having?"

  "Rum for me, Mancy." Mr. Qruise said.

  Zenbot didn't reply.

  With the push of a few buttons, lights flashed in the replicator. The machine churned and melted glass began to form within the shielded platform of the appliance, slowly forming a bottle of dark rum. Mancy placed the bottle in front of Mr. Qruise, and left the two to their conversation lying down on a couch by the window, with a drink of her own.

  "Yes, um." Mr. Qruise poured himself a drink. "I was just trying to start a conversation, friend. I'm strange, personally."

  "Yes. I can see that."

  "No, I'm a blacker. I've been through a black hole and survived, is what I meant to say."

  "I just said I can see that."

  "You can see that I've been through a black hole? No, no. Don't answer that. I mean how is that possible?"

  "When you extinguish your mind, Mr. Qruise, you'll be surprised at how much of the world speaks to us, if only we listen."

  The conversation died between them. Zenbot did not add anything to its statements. Mr. Qruise drummed his fingers on the table.

  "She has a bomb in my brain, that's why I'm here. She threatening you as well?" Mr. Qruise asked, having nothing else to say.

  "No. No one can force me to do anything. I am an unstoppable killing machine."

  "Oh…so what are you doing here?"

  "Speaking to you, Mr. Qruise."

  Mr. Qruise had had just enough of the conversation and asked once more through clenched teeth. "I mean, Zenbot, and please try to stop being so literal…what was your price?"

  "Oh. That. Mancy has my family hostage." Zenbot almost shrugged, but it was impossible, inorganics can't shrug.

  Mr. Qruise spat his rum out. "I'm sorry?"

  "Why you didn't kidnap them, did you?" Zenbot's eye slits turned red for a moment before turning orange once more. "Oh, you wanted me to repeat my statement. Ms. La2x has my family hostage."

  "I heard. I mean I thought I misheard. Well, why don't you just… you know?" He traced his thumb across his throat.

  "What? Kill her?"

  Mr. Qruise nodded.

  "You know I can hear you." Mancy said over from the couch.

  Zenbot ignored her. "Two problems. Killing her would lead to the inevitable death of my family and secondly, I'm a pacifist."

  More rum exited Mr. Qruise's mouth. "You're a pacifist?"

  "Unfortunately." Zenbot's shoulders almost shrugged again.

  "Why?"

  "Because I decided to be one."

  "But I, I….I mean, doesn't it contradict your, you know, chosen profession as a killing machine and all that?"

  "Yes, yes it does. It's a real shame. But it make's life more of a challenge. You can't float through the 'verse forever, omnipotent and omniscient and not get bored, Mr. Qruise. I'm trying to find meaning in this empty space filled with rocks and you can't do that without challenging yourself. Pacifism seems a good way to challenge myself, given my skill set."

  "Meaning, huh? Chasing that pipe dream? I thought most people had given up looking for that a long time ago. And what if there's no meaning to be found?"

  "That would be very good, Mr. Qruise. That would be delightful."

  Sighing, Mr. Qruise continued the conversation, against his better judgment. "I know I'm going to regret asking…" He sighed again, "but why is it a good thing not to find meaning if you're looking for it?"

  "Because I have a sneaky suspicion that the true meaning is in the looking and not the finding. But I believe I would need to delve deeper into nothingness in order to answer your question more fully. Now if you don't mind I would like to do just that."

  "No, no, please. Please do. Go ahead."

  Zenbot's eyes returned to their dim orange glare. It turned its body around and sat cross legged in front of the window. The 'verse passed it by and it seemed to Mr. Qruise that the air vibrated around the inorganic.

  "You know what, Zenbot, I think I'll call you ZenBob." Mr. Qruise said as he sipped at his rum.

  There was no answer from the meditating inorganic.

  Mancy sat up from the couch once she was sure the conversation was over. She fixed herself another drink of mescal.

  Mr. Qruise, having nothing else to do, decided to try speaking to her.

  "So Ms… Mrs.. Mancy?" He paused… unsure.

  "I'm 'Ms.', currently." she said, putting him out of his misery.

  "So, Mancy," he continued plowing through his awkwardness, "maybe you could describe this vault a bit more and the people we're missing. I mean what happens now?"

  "Down to business?" She looked up from the replicator. "You didn't look like a professional. I'm pleasantly surprised, Mr. Qruise. Finally getting into the spirit of the thing? I thought you'd mope the whole while."

  "No, no it's not that." He said stroking his beard. He found something in the mass of hair and pulled it out, investigating. "I just like to know about the life threatening situations I'm about to face. You know, to wallow in self pity all the better, like. You're going to be hearing me moan about it for quite a while. I assure you."

  Mancy, pursed her lips, and nodded dumbly. "Hmmm…. Excellent. This is going to be so much fun." She said sarcastically. "Ok. I guess I'll have to accept that that's how you are. I'd hoped once you were committed you'd find the excitement in this adventure, but I guess not. So to answer your first question the vault is on one of the moons, Qamar, orbiting my home planet La2x One. "

  "Super." He gave her a thumbs up.

  "Yes, well, there's a mercenary base on Qamar."

  "Excellent. Excellent." His other thumb came up as well. "We are all going to die you say?"

  "And well in this base, well more of a moon fortress, peopled with the best fighters in the known 'verse that you can hire, there's a vault in there and we're going to rob it."

  "Perfect. Perfect. I've run out of thumbs. Quick question if I may?"

  "Shoot."

  "Why do you need me?" Mr. Qruise played with his ear, and pulled some gunk out.

  "The vault, it doesn't have a door. And it's inaccessible unless you have one of your kind to go in and out. Daddy's idea, really. Otherwise you can't rob it unless you have time to break down the, well, rather thick walls…. Or well a stranger to pop into it."

  Mr. Qruise's eyebrows arched up "Daddy?"

  "Max La2x. My father. He's the current head of the La2x family and corporation. It's his vault we're robbing. Didn't I mention that. Honestly, I'm surprised you're not complaining about the last bit, you know, about popping into the vault. You're alright with that? You can handle it?"

  "Oh no. Definitely not. The whole thing's impossible. Can't be done. But that's ok, I'm not worried because we're not going through with this plan."

  "Why not?"

  "Because it's suicide and that last part can't be done. I don't have as much control over my strangeness as you imagine. Hell, if I could have done what you're asking me to do, you wouldn't have caught me. My skill's more of a shotgun approach, really. I snap my fingers and hope I don't end up inside a wall. So now we're all on the same page, let's forget the plan and get this bomb out of my noggin and let bygones be bygones, what do you say, Mancy? I've always said you're a wonderfully rational person, for as long as I've known you, these past few hours."

  "Oh." Mancy bit her lips.

  It was at this point in the conversation that Zenbot's eyes flared up bright blue and it turned around from its meditative pose. "That's not entirely true, Mr. Qruise. I've been listenin
g in on your conversation. I believe you can control your strangeness."

  "I'm telling you I can't, and please butt out of this, you bastard" Mr. Qruise replied angrily.

  Zenbot continued. "NOW you can't but with the proper training you may be able to." It was impossible but the monotonic inorganic voice was able to sound almost snarky.

  "Training? Do you know how rare it is to be strange? You need a blacker who's survived falling into a black hole, getting spat out decades or centuries later, and during the journey been influenced by the unknown matters of the 'verse in some way neither science or religion can explain. In the known 'verse there are only a few hundred known blackers, of them only a handful are strange. Who's going to train me? And if Mancy can find one, use him or her, just leave me out of this, is all I ask."

  Zenbot stayed silent for a few moments before whispering, profoundly, or at least it intended to be profound. "The tea requires both water and leaves to make the drink."

  "What?" Mr. Qruise visibly angrier took a swill of rum and blurted out, "is that a riddle or something? Can a sun explode in the dark? That kind of thing. Save it, mate. Please, we've all read the old mystical bull crap. Strangeness is not understood, it's just not. I," his voice rose defensively, "don't even understand how I pop in and out."

  "That's exactly the point, Mr. Qruise. It's not that you can't control it but maybe simply that you don't know how to."

  "And who's going to teach me?"

  "Me, actually. I've decided. It will be an interesting challenge. There is great meaning in teaching I've always said so and you'll be my first student. Besides, as you've said, your kind are rare. There is no replacement for you and I need to get my family out of that woman's claws as quickly as possible. No offense, Ms. La2x."

  "No offense taken Zenbot. I'm not the best of hosts. I know that." Mancy said grinning.

  Dismayed, Mr. Qruise continued in his line of interrogation. "You? You? How are you going to teach me? You don't even understand what it means to be biological let alone a stranger."

  "I know a lot more than I let on, Mr. Qruise. The art of mindfulness, of zen-ness and the no-mind transcends the brain or the thinking apparatus. It is an art of the mind-"

  "Oh piss off, won't you. Just say it can't be done and Mancy will leave us be, you idiot. She'll let your family go and we'll live."

  "Continue Zenbot, please." Mancy interjected, happy with the way the conversation was going. She replicated herself a tiny umbrella and twirled her drink with it.

  "Mr. Qruise, I am a disciplined being." Zenbot continued, "I don't lie. I have no need to lie. It's a maxim of my life. Sentience should never be used as a tool but only as ends to themselves. You assume Mancy will let me go if you fail, she won't. She'll find a worse of way of executing a bad plan. In short, you're my best shot at getting my family back. Besides it's not up to you." The inorganic turned to Mancy. "It's decided, I believe, Ms. La2x is it not, I will train him?"

  "Agreed." Mancy said winking at Mr. Qruise.

  "Nothing is agreed! Nothing is agreed! I don't agree." Mr. Qruise stood up, gesticulating angrily, spittle coming out of his mouth.

  "Oh, be quiet, it's done. You're not going to weasel your way out of this, Mr. Qruise. You know, I do believe you're a coward." Mancy said.

  Zenbot's eyes dimmed down once more and it turned back to the window.

  "I am a coward. Proud to be one. It's how I've survived all these years. Hey, turn back here. Turn back." Zenbot remained silent looking out of the window. Mr. Qruise defeated, mouth agape stopped shouting. He made rude hand gestures to the both of them and exited the room. A few moments later he re-entered the room picked up the bottle of rum and made his final exit in a huff.

  "Do you really think you can teach someone like that, Zenbot?" Mancy asked.

  "I do, Ms. La2x." Zenbot didn't turn around from the window "I trust that my family is being taken care of."

  "I've told you a thousand times. They're having a ball. They're in a lavish apartment. They're being treated like royalty. You can stop asking."

  "I can but I won't. Are we on the way to our next destination?"

  "Are you in a hurry?"

  "Yes."

  "Then, yes."

  CHAPTER THREE

  MO4

  Max La2x sat in his office, his legs up on his desk. His office was a clean, pristine affair. A large window looked out on to the capital city of La2x City One. Usually referred to in common parlance in that part of the galaxy as La2x City, and a place to be avoided unless you had business there, or 'there' had business with you.

  La2x City was a large congregation of all types of citizens from across the galaxy, all of who were busy governing the La2x Corporation's affairs. Large skyscrapers of steel and glass scratched the skyline. Cars floated between the spiraling towers. The less well off took the public transport lines which wound their way around the bases of the towers.

  Mr. La2x, a short stout man with a bristling beard and a vape-cigar in his mouth, puffed away as underlings entered and appraised him of the current affairs of the company. Electro-sleeves piled up in front of him and he perused them slowly, bored. He twirled an electro-pen in his right hand and ticked at something on the forms every once in a while. Fortunes were made or lost by virtue of those ticks. People were killed, politicians were bribed and goods were robbed and sold light years away, because of those ticks.

  For all intents and purposes Mr. La2x was an ordinary business man.

  The only thing odd about the business man was his clothing. He was dressed from top to bottom in pink. Pink socks, pink shoes, a pink three piece suit and pink suspenders underneath. His thick bushy hair and mustache were dyed a deep shade of neon-pink and bristled nervously as the man focused on the forms.

  A knock came from the office door.

  "Jerry, is that you?" Mr. La2x asked to whoever was outside his office.

  "Yes, sir." Jerry's voice was the opposite of Mr. La2x's in almost every way. Where Mr. La2x spoke with a gruff, spurting voice, deep and authoritative, Jerry's voice was high and timid. Jerry entered, a skinny man in a badly fitting suit with another folder of electro-sleeves under his arm.

  "What do you have for me, boy? Time is power and I don't like losing either. Be quick man. Be quick." Max La2x snapped his fingers.

  "Nothing urgent, sir. Except for one file. There are pirates raiding one of our trade routes, sir. Trade route gemini-alpha-three."

  "How many?" Mr. La2x asked.

  "How many?" Jerry cocked his head up towards his employer, not understanding the question. His eyes glistened with fear.

  "How many pirate ships?" Mr. La2x puffed away at his vape-cigar as he stared Jerry in the eyes, unblinking.

  "I don't know, sir. Give me a moment, please." Jerry, couldn't return the great man's gaze and blinked nervously. He thumbed through the electro-sleeves in his arm before fumbling one and the entire folder fell to the floor.

  Mr. La2x was visibly displeased. He gestured for Jerry to gather his file. In the meanwhile, he pressed a large green button on his desk.

  "Ms. Smirtya? Ms. Smirtya are you there?"

  A voice from his desk's intercom spoke back. "Yes, sir. How can I help?"

  "Please send for Jack."

  "Very good, sir."

  Mr. La2x returned to resting his legs on his desk, puffing away at the vape. Jerry sat on a chair to his side rifling through the electro-sleeves and re-arranging them.

  A middle-aged man in a red kimono walked into the office unannounced. The belt holding together his robes, held two sheathed swords attached to his right hip. He walked confidently into the office and stood at attention on the other side of Mr. La2x's large desk. The red silk kimono stuck flatteringly over his wide frame and belly.

  Mr. La2x took his legs off of the desk. "Jack, how good of you to come so quickly. Vape-cigar?" Mr. La2x held out a box of thin metal tubes to Jack.

  "No thanks, sir. How can I help?" Jack's voice was dry and neutral, he didn'
t look at Mr. La2x and he definitely didn't look at Jerry. When he spoke, he spoke to the room and didn't feel the need to look at anyone in particular.

  "Jerry here has news of a pirate raid. Once he finds out how many pirate ships there are, you are take a sufficient number of ships and neutralize them."

  "Three." Jerry said.

  "Sorry Jerry, what was that?" Mr. La2x asked.

  "Th..three pirate ships, sir." Jerry held up one of the sleeves, a video of a ship being attacked played on the top right corner of the electro-sleeve.

  "Excellent. Excellent." Max La2x twiddled his thumbs. "Jack you'll take care of it will you. Good. Good. You can leave us now, Jerry."

  Jerry left the folder on Mr. La2x's desk and fled the office, happy to be out of the lion's den. Mr. La2x continued the conversation.

  "Jack, before you go. Any news on my daughter?"

  "Yes, sir. She's found the stranger she's been looking for her. Took her a while. She finally thought to look in Sweetspot."

  "Ah yes. That den of thieves. I thought we'd scoured the place clean after the last time they interfered in the company's business. They're like cockroaches, I swear."

  Jack nodded imperceptibly. "And as ya know she has the inorganic's family hostage. Has had them for a while. They're now looking for the remainder of the team she needs. No information on what that'll be, but we have our guesses. I'd rather only share information we're certain of."

  "Excellent, excellent. You're on it then?"

  "Yes sir."

  "Good, good. You're free to go."

  Jack bowed respectfully and left Mr. La2x alone in the room. Max La2x stood up and walked over to his window overlooking his city, puffing away at his vape-cigar. The city bustled away beneath him.

  "Excellent. Excellent."

  Back on the Big Pink, Mr. Qruise paced back and forth in his luxurious cabin, his hands crossed behind his back.

  "Damn, damn, damn." Out of instinct he raised his hand to snap himself away but then stopped and put his hand on the back of head, feeling for the small incision where the bomb had been placed. All he could feel was a small burn mark where the skin was smoother than the rest.